1. Three lawyers and three engineers were travelling by train to a conference.
At the station, each lawyer bought a ticket whereas the engineers bought
only one ticket between them.
‘How are you going to travel on a single ticket?’ asked a lawyer.
‘Wait and watch,’ answered one of the engineers.
When they boarded the train, the lawyers took their seats, but the thre e
engineers crammed into a toilet and closed the door behind them. Shortly
after the train started, the ticket collector arrived. He knocked on the toilet
door and asked, ‘Ticket please.’ The door opened just a crack and a single
arm emerged with a ticket in hand. The ticket collector took it and moved
on. Seeing this, the lawyers decided to the same thing on the return trip.
So when they got to the station, they bought only one ticket. To their
astonishment, the engineers didn’t buy any. ‘How are you going to travel
without a ticket?’ asked one of the perplexed lawyers.
‘Wait and watch,’ answered an engineer.
In the train, the three engineers crammed into a toilet and the three lawyers
into another nearby. Soon after the train started, one of the engineers got out
of the toilet and walked to one where the lawyers were hiding.
He knocked on the door and said, ‘Ticket, please.’
At the station, each lawyer bought a ticket whereas the engineers bought
only one ticket between them.
‘How are you going to travel on a single ticket?’ asked a lawyer.
‘Wait and watch,’ answered one of the engineers.
When they boarded the train, the lawyers took their seats, but the thre e
engineers crammed into a toilet and closed the door behind them. Shortly
after the train started, the ticket collector arrived. He knocked on the toilet
door and asked, ‘Ticket please.’ The door opened just a crack and a single
arm emerged with a ticket in hand. The ticket collector took it and moved
on. Seeing this, the lawyers decided to the same thing on the return trip.
So when they got to the station, they bought only one ticket. To their
astonishment, the engineers didn’t buy any. ‘How are you going to travel
without a ticket?’ asked one of the perplexed lawyers.
‘Wait and watch,’ answered an engineer.
In the train, the three engineers crammed into a toilet and the three lawyers
into another nearby. Soon after the train started, one of the engineers got out
of the toilet and walked to one where the lawyers were hiding.
He knocked on the door and said, ‘Ticket, please.’
2. Maid: What do you want, sir?
Visitor: I want to see your master.
Maid: What’s your business, please?
Visitor: There is a bill...
Maid: Ah! He left yesterday for his village...
Visitor: Which I have to pay him...
Maid: And he returned this morning.
Visitor: I want to see your master.
Maid: What’s your business, please?
Visitor: There is a bill...
Maid: Ah! He left yesterday for his village...
Visitor: Which I have to pay him...
Maid: And he returned this morning.
3. Men who treat women as helpless and charming playthings deserve women
who treat men as delightful and generous bank accounts.
who treat men as delightful and generous bank accounts.
4. A foreign tourist hired a guide to take him around Delhi and Agra. At the
Red Fort at Delhi, he admired the architecture and asked how many years it
took to build.
“Twenty years,” replied the guide.
‘You Indians are a lazy lot,” the tourist said. “In my country, this could have
been built in five.’
At Agra he admired the Taj’s beauty and asked how many years it took to
build.
‘Only ten years,’ said the guide.
The tourist retorted: ‘You Indians are slow! We can construct such buildings
in two-and-a-half.’
In this fashion the tourist claimed that every building he admired could have
been built in his country in quarter the time. Finally, when they reached the
Qutab Minar, and the tourist asked what it was, the guide replied: ‘I don’t
know. It wasn’t there yesterday evening.”
Red Fort at Delhi, he admired the architecture and asked how many years it
took to build.
“Twenty years,” replied the guide.
‘You Indians are a lazy lot,” the tourist said. “In my country, this could have
been built in five.’
At Agra he admired the Taj’s beauty and asked how many years it took to
build.
‘Only ten years,’ said the guide.
The tourist retorted: ‘You Indians are slow! We can construct such buildings
in two-and-a-half.’
In this fashion the tourist claimed that every building he admired could have
been built in his country in quarter the time. Finally, when they reached the
Qutab Minar, and the tourist asked what it was, the guide replied: ‘I don’t
know. It wasn’t there yesterday evening.”
5. Overheard at the veterinarian’s: ‘I had my cat neutered. He’s still out all
night with the other cats, but now he’s a consultant.’
night with the other cats, but now he’s a consultant.’
6. When an efficient secretary asked her boss for a raise in her salary, he
turned her down, saying: ‘Your salary is already higher than that of the
secretary at the next desk. And she has five children.’
‘Excuse me,’ the efficient woman replied, ‘I thought we got paid for what we
produce here—not for what we produce at home in our own time.’
turned her down, saying: ‘Your salary is already higher than that of the
secretary at the next desk. And she has five children.’
‘Excuse me,’ the efficient woman replied, ‘I thought we got paid for what we
produce here—not for what we produce at home in our own time.’
7. A small farm boy was milking his cow when all of a sudden a bull came
charging towards him. As horrified workers nearby watched, the boy calmly
continued his milking.
To everyone’s astonishment, the bull stopped a few inches from the boy,
turned around and walked away . ‘Weren’t you afraid?’ one of the workers
asked the boy.
‘Not at all,’ the boy replied , ‘I knew this cow was his mother-in-law.’
charging towards him. As horrified workers nearby watched, the boy calmly
continued his milking.
To everyone’s astonishment, the bull stopped a few inches from the boy,
turned around and walked away . ‘Weren’t you afraid?’ one of the workers
asked the boy.
‘Not at all,’ the boy replied , ‘I knew this cow was his mother-in-law.’
8. A patient complains to a famous psychologist: ‘Professor, I’ve been having
terrible obsessions for years, and no one has ever been able to help me.’
‘Who’s been treating you until now?’
‘Dr Lal Rathor.‘
‘I see. He’s an idiot. I’m curious to know what he advised you to do.’
‘To come and see you.’
terrible obsessions for years, and no one has ever been able to help me.’
‘Who’s been treating you until now?’
‘Dr Lal Rathor.‘
‘I see. He’s an idiot. I’m curious to know what he advised you to do.’
‘To come and see you.’
9. Overheard: I can say one good thing about airline food: at least they’re
considerate enough to give you only small portions.
considerate enough to give you only small portions.
10. Two terrorists were driving to the location where they intended to plant a
bomb, which one of them had in his lap.
‘Drive a little faster, the bomb may go off any minute,’ said the man carrying
the explosive.
‘Don’t worry,’ the driver assured him, ‘we have got a spare one in the boot.’
bomb, which one of them had in his lap.
‘Drive a little faster, the bomb may go off any minute,’ said the man carrying
the explosive.
‘Don’t worry,’ the driver assured him, ‘we have got a spare one in the boot.’
11. Boy to mother: I’ve decided to stop studying.’
‘How come?’ asked the mother.
‘I heard that that someone was shot dead, because he knew too much.’
‘How come?’ asked the mother.
‘I heard that that someone was shot dead, because he knew too much.’
12. For their first anniversary, a man bought his young wife a cell phone. She
was thrilled and listened eagerly as he explained all its features. The next
day she was out shopping when the phone rang.
‘Hey, darling,’ he husband said. ‘How do you like your new phone?’
‘Oh, I just love it!’ she gushed. ‘It’s so cute and small—and your voice sounds
so clear. But there’s just one thing I don’t understand.’
‘What’s that?’
‘How did you know I was at the sari shop?’
was thrilled and listened eagerly as he explained all its features. The next
day she was out shopping when the phone rang.
‘Hey, darling,’ he husband said. ‘How do you like your new phone?’
‘Oh, I just love it!’ she gushed. ‘It’s so cute and small—and your voice sounds
so clear. But there’s just one thing I don’t understand.’
‘What’s that?’
‘How did you know I was at the sari shop?’
13. Husband and wife were in the midst of a violent quarrel, and hubby was
losing his temper. ‘Be careful,’ he said to his wife. ‘You’ll bring out the beast
in me.’
‘So what?’ his wife shot back. ‘Who’s afraid of a mouse?’
losing his temper. ‘Be careful,’ he said to his wife. ‘You’ll bring out the beast
in me.’
‘So what?’ his wife shot back. ‘Who’s afraid of a mouse?’
14. Aman was driving well above the speed limit when a police car suddenly
emerged from behind, sirens blaring. Thinking he’d outpace the cop, the
man pushed his accelerator to the floor. His car’s speed rose to sixty, then
seventy, eighty, and ninety. Finally, the man thought, what the heck, and
pulled over, ready to receive a speeding ticket.
The police officer got out, leaned over the man and said: ‘Listen, Mister, I
have had a really lousy day, and I just want to go home. Give me a good
excuse and I’ll let you go.’
The man thought for a moment and said: ‘Three weeks ago my wife ran off
with a police officer. When I saw your car in my mirror, I thought you were
that officer and were trying to give her back to me.’
No ticket.
emerged from behind, sirens blaring. Thinking he’d outpace the cop, the
man pushed his accelerator to the floor. His car’s speed rose to sixty, then
seventy, eighty, and ninety. Finally, the man thought, what the heck, and
pulled over, ready to receive a speeding ticket.
The police officer got out, leaned over the man and said: ‘Listen, Mister, I
have had a really lousy day, and I just want to go home. Give me a good
excuse and I’ll let you go.’
The man thought for a moment and said: ‘Three weeks ago my wife ran off
with a police officer. When I saw your car in my mirror, I thought you were
that officer and were trying to give her back to me.’
No ticket.
15. Late one night, a mugger wearing a ski mask jumped into the path of a
well-dressed man and stuck a gun in his ribs. ‘Give me your money,’ he
demanded.
Indignant, the affluent man replied, ‘You can’t do this—I’m a politician!’
‘In that case,’ replied the robber, ‘give me my money!’
well-dressed man and stuck a gun in his ribs. ‘Give me your money,’ he
demanded.
Indignant, the affluent man replied, ‘You can’t do this—I’m a politician!’
‘In that case,’ replied the robber, ‘give me my money!’
16. An American visiting England walked into a hotel lobby. ‘The lift will be
down presently,’ the receptionist told him.
‘The lift?’ said the American. ‘Oh, you mean the elevator.’
‘No, I mean the lift.’ replied the Englishman.
‘I think I should know what it is called,’ said the American. ‘Elevators were
invented in the States.’
‘Perhaps,’ retorted the Englishman. ‘But we invented the language.‘
down presently,’ the receptionist told him.
‘The lift?’ said the American. ‘Oh, you mean the elevator.’
‘No, I mean the lift.’ replied the Englishman.
‘I think I should know what it is called,’ said the American. ‘Elevators were
invented in the States.’
‘Perhaps,’ retorted the Englishman. ‘But we invented the language.‘
17. ‘I’m very sorry to learn that your wife ran away with your driver,’ said the
friend to the old man.
‘Oh, don’t worry, I can drive.’
friend to the old man.
‘Oh, don’t worry, I can drive.’
18. A judge looked severely at the defendant and asked, ‘How many times
have you been imprisoned?’
‘Nine, you Honour.’
‘Nine? In this case, I will give you the maximum sentence.’
‘Maximum sentence?’ said the defendant. ‘Don’t you give your regular clients
a discount’
have you been imprisoned?’
‘Nine, you Honour.’
‘Nine? In this case, I will give you the maximum sentence.’
‘Maximum sentence?’ said the defendant. ‘Don’t you give your regular clients
a discount’
19. One man to another. ‘I want to marry a smart woman, a good woman; a
woman who’ll make me happy.’
‘Make up your mind.’
woman who’ll make me happy.’
‘Make up your mind.’
20. The doctor had just finished giving the young man a thorough physical
examination.
‘The best thing for you to do,’ the doctor said, ‘is give up drinking and
smoking, get to bed early and stay away from women.’
‘Doctor, I don’t deserve the best,’ said the patient. ‘What’s next best?’
examination.
‘The best thing for you to do,’ the doctor said, ‘is give up drinking and
smoking, get to bed early and stay away from women.’
‘Doctor, I don’t deserve the best,’ said the patient. ‘What’s next best?’
21. ‘An old man gives good advice in order to console himself for no longer being able to set a bad
example. - Le Rochefoucauld
example. - Le Rochefoucauld
22. A rather inebriated fellow on a bus was tearing up a newspaper into tiny
pieces and throwing them out the window.
‘Excuse me,’ said the woman sitting next to him. ‘But, would you mind
explaining why you’re doing this?’
‘It scares away the elephants,’ replied the drunk.
‘But I don’t see any elephants around here,’ said the woman.
‘Effective, isn’t it?’ crowed the drunk.
pieces and throwing them out the window.
‘Excuse me,’ said the woman sitting next to him. ‘But, would you mind
explaining why you’re doing this?’
‘It scares away the elephants,’ replied the drunk.
‘But I don’t see any elephants around here,’ said the woman.
‘Effective, isn’t it?’ crowed the drunk.
23. The editor of a small weekly newspaper, annoyed at legislation that had
recently been passed, ran a scathing editorial under the headline: HALF OF
OUR LEGISLATORS ARE CROOKS. Many prominent local politicians were
outraged, and tremendous pressure was exerted on him to retract the statement.
He finally succumbed to the pressure and ran an apology with the headline:
HALF OF OUR LEGISLATORS ARE NOT CROOKS.
recently been passed, ran a scathing editorial under the headline: HALF OF
OUR LEGISLATORS ARE CROOKS. Many prominent local politicians were
outraged, and tremendous pressure was exerted on him to retract the statement.
He finally succumbed to the pressure and ran an apology with the headline:
HALF OF OUR LEGISLATORS ARE NOT CROOKS.
24. After they had brought their first baby home from hospital, a young wife
suggested to her husband that he try his hand at changing diapers, ‘I’m busy,’
he said. ‘I’ll do the next one.’
The next time the baby was wet, she asked if he was now ready to learn how
to change diapers. He looked puzzled. ‘Oh,’ he replied finally. ‘I didn’t mean
the next diaper. I meant the next baby!’
suggested to her husband that he try his hand at changing diapers, ‘I’m busy,’
he said. ‘I’ll do the next one.’
The next time the baby was wet, she asked if he was now ready to learn how
to change diapers. He looked puzzled. ‘Oh,’ he replied finally. ‘I didn’t mean
the next diaper. I meant the next baby!’
25. Staying at a small-town hotel, Tom ordered tea. Shortly afterwards, a girl
threw open the door. ‘Sugar in your tea?’ she shouted.
‘No, thank you,’ Tom replied.
‘Ah, well, don’t stir it then.’
threw open the door. ‘Sugar in your tea?’ she shouted.
‘No, thank you,’ Tom replied.
‘Ah, well, don’t stir it then.’
26. The Duke of Gloucester, speaking at a luncheon in London: ‘A home accidents
survey which showed that ninety percent of accidents on staircases involved
either the top or the bottom step, was fed into a computer. Asked how
accidents could be reduced, the computer answered: “Remove the top and
bottom steps.’”
survey which showed that ninety percent of accidents on staircases involved
either the top or the bottom step, was fed into a computer. Asked how
accidents could be reduced, the computer answered: “Remove the top and
bottom steps.’”
27. A small Indian boy appeared in the class of a London schoolteacher for the
first time and she asked him his name. ‘Venkataratnam Narasimha Rattaiah,’
he said. When she aske
‘How do you spell it?’ he replied, ‘My mother helps
me.’
first time and she asked him his name. ‘Venkataratnam Narasimha Rattaiah,’
he said. When she aske
‘How do you spell it?’ he replied, ‘My mother helps
me.’
28. A young soldier who was on a twenty four-hour pass went to a dance in
town and there met an attractive young woman. As they danced, he kept
making passes at her but without much result. Finally, he said, ‘Look
sweetheart, I really go for you in a big way. But I don’t have much time. I
have to be back in the morning. I’d sure like to speed like to speed things up
between us.’
‘But I am dancing as fast as I can,’ she protested wide-eyed.
town and there met an attractive young woman. As they danced, he kept
making passes at her but without much result. Finally, he said, ‘Look
sweetheart, I really go for you in a big way. But I don’t have much time. I
have to be back in the morning. I’d sure like to speed like to speed things up
between us.’
‘But I am dancing as fast as I can,’ she protested wide-eyed.
29. A man who had just died, arrived at heaven’s gate. Before allowing him
entry, St. Peter asked him if he’d ever loved a woman.
‘No,’ the man replied, ‘Not a single one.’
‘Did you have a friend you cared for?’
‘No.’
‘Perhaps you loved a pet? Did you not feel a love for nature?’
‘No.’
‘What took you so long to get here?’ asked a surprised St. Peter. ‘You’ve been
dead for ages.’
entry, St. Peter asked him if he’d ever loved a woman.
‘No,’ the man replied, ‘Not a single one.’
‘Did you have a friend you cared for?’
‘No.’
‘Perhaps you loved a pet? Did you not feel a love for nature?’
‘No.’
‘What took you so long to get here?’ asked a surprised St. Peter. ‘You’ve been
dead for ages.’
30. Little Ernie was having a problem with his homework.
‘Dad,’ he asked, ‘What is the difference between “anger” and “exasperation”?’
‘Well, son,’ said his father, ‘I’ll give you a practical demonstration.’
His father picked up the phone and dialled a number.
‘Hello,’ said a voice at the other end.
‘Hello,’ said Ernie’s father. ‘Is Melvin there?’
‘There is no one called Melvin here!’ the voice replied. ‘Why don’t you look
up numbers before you dial them?’
‘You see?’ said Ernie’s father. ‘That man was not at all happy with our call.
But watch this!’
He then dialled the number again, and says, ‘Hello, is Melvin there?’
‘Now look here!’ the voice said angrily. ‘I told you there is no Melvin here!
You have got a lot of nerve calling again!’
‘Did you hear that?’ Ernie’s father asked. ‘That was “anger”. Now, I will show
you what “exasperation” is!’
He dialled once again. And on hearing the voice at the other end, Ernie’s
father said: ‘Hello! This is Melvin. Have there been any calls for me?’
‘Dad,’ he asked, ‘What is the difference between “anger” and “exasperation”?’
‘Well, son,’ said his father, ‘I’ll give you a practical demonstration.’
His father picked up the phone and dialled a number.
‘Hello,’ said a voice at the other end.
‘Hello,’ said Ernie’s father. ‘Is Melvin there?’
‘There is no one called Melvin here!’ the voice replied. ‘Why don’t you look
up numbers before you dial them?’
‘You see?’ said Ernie’s father. ‘That man was not at all happy with our call.
But watch this!’
He then dialled the number again, and says, ‘Hello, is Melvin there?’
‘Now look here!’ the voice said angrily. ‘I told you there is no Melvin here!
You have got a lot of nerve calling again!’
‘Did you hear that?’ Ernie’s father asked. ‘That was “anger”. Now, I will show
you what “exasperation” is!’
He dialled once again. And on hearing the voice at the other end, Ernie’s
father said: ‘Hello! This is Melvin. Have there been any calls for me?’
31. Apoor man sat begging outside a temple. ‘In the name of Bhagwan give
this hungry man some money to fill his belly,” he cried. “Bhagwan will bless
you.’ But the devotees gave him very little. In disgust the beggar left the
temple and sat outside a country liquor shop. ‘A few paise in the name of
Bhagwan,’ he whined. As customers came out of the shop in high spirits,
many dropped rupee notes in his bowl. Thanking God, the beggar said: ‘Hey
Bhagwan, truly inscrutable are thy ways! You give one address but live in
another.’
this hungry man some money to fill his belly,” he cried. “Bhagwan will bless
you.’ But the devotees gave him very little. In disgust the beggar left the
temple and sat outside a country liquor shop. ‘A few paise in the name of
Bhagwan,’ he whined. As customers came out of the shop in high spirits,
many dropped rupee notes in his bowl. Thanking God, the beggar said: ‘Hey
Bhagwan, truly inscrutable are thy ways! You give one address but live in
another.’
32. Husband to wife as they emerge from a long session with a marriage guidance
counsellor: ‘Darling, I love you.’
‘There you go again,’ snapped his wife. ‘I...I...I...again.’
counsellor: ‘Darling, I love you.’
‘There you go again,’ snapped his wife. ‘I...I...I...again.’
33. The sign on the door of a lawyer’s chamber reads: ‘Where there is a will,
there is a way; where there is a way, there is law; where there is law, there
is a rule; where there is a rule, there is a loophole; where there is a loophole;
there is a lawyer; and so here I am.’
there is a way; where there is a way, there is law; where there is law, there
is a rule; where there is a rule, there is a loophole; where there is a loophole;
there is a lawyer; and so here I am.’
34. When Paul was working as a salesman at a supermarket, he noticed that
before choosing a melon, shoppers would hold the fruit upto their ears and
knock on it. He never knew what they expected to hear. One day he asked
a shopper. ‘Son,’ the man replied, ‘I’ve been doing this for forty years. All I
know is that if you just pick up a melon and put it your bag, everybody looks
at you as if you’re crazy.’
before choosing a melon, shoppers would hold the fruit upto their ears and
knock on it. He never knew what they expected to hear. One day he asked
a shopper. ‘Son,’ the man replied, ‘I’ve been doing this for forty years. All I
know is that if you just pick up a melon and put it your bag, everybody looks
at you as if you’re crazy.’
35. Little Johnny was practising the violin in the living room, while his father
was trying to read. The family dog was at there too, and, on hearing the
screeching sounds, began to howl. Johnny’s father listened to the dog and
the violin for as long as he could. Then he jumped up, slammed his newspaper
on the floor and yelled, ‘For God’s sake, can’t you play something the dog
doesn’t know?’
was trying to read. The family dog was at there too, and, on hearing the
screeching sounds, began to howl. Johnny’s father listened to the dog and
the violin for as long as he could. Then he jumped up, slammed his newspaper
on the floor and yelled, ‘For God’s sake, can’t you play something the dog
doesn’t know?’
36. An eager young man entered his prospective boss’s cabin for an interview,
Said the boss ‘One thing our company is very particular about is cleanliness.
I hope you wiped your shoes on the doormat while coming in?’
Yes, sir,’ the young man replied promptly.
Back came the rejoinder, ‘One more thing we’re very particular about is
honesty. There is no doormat outside!’
Said the boss ‘One thing our company is very particular about is cleanliness.
I hope you wiped your shoes on the doormat while coming in?’
Yes, sir,’ the young man replied promptly.
Back came the rejoinder, ‘One more thing we’re very particular about is
honesty. There is no doormat outside!’
37. Sonu was saying her bedtime prayers: ‘Please God, make Naples the capital
of Italy. Make Naples the capital of Italy,’.....
‘Why do you want God to make Naples the capital of Italy?’ Sonu’s mother
asked.
And Sonu replied: ‘Because, that is what I put in my Geography exam!’
of Italy. Make Naples the capital of Italy,’.....
‘Why do you want God to make Naples the capital of Italy?’ Sonu’s mother
asked.
And Sonu replied: ‘Because, that is what I put in my Geography exam!’
38. A traveller walking along a road asked an old man working in a field to
how long it would take to get to the next village. But the old man didn’t
answer, so the traveller kept walking.
He hadn’t gone far when he heard a call: “Hi, mister, it’ll take you about 20
minutes”.
“Why didn’t you tell me that when I asked you?” asked the traveller.
“How did I know how fast you were going to walk?” replied the old man.
how long it would take to get to the next village. But the old man didn’t
answer, so the traveller kept walking.
He hadn’t gone far when he heard a call: “Hi, mister, it’ll take you about 20
minutes”.
“Why didn’t you tell me that when I asked you?” asked the traveller.
“How did I know how fast you were going to walk?” replied the old man.
39. ‘Love, friendship, and respect do not unite a people as much as a common hatred of something.’
- Anton Chekov
The world is a comedy to those who think, a tragedy to those who feel.
- Horace Walpole
- Anton Chekov
The world is a comedy to those who think, a tragedy to those who feel.
- Horace Walpole
40. Ateacher had just moved house with all her possessions including box
after box of books.
As the van driver put down the last box in her second-floor flat, he grumbled,
“For Heaven’s sake, lady, why didn’t you read them before you came?”
after box of books.
As the van driver put down the last box in her second-floor flat, he grumbled,
“For Heaven’s sake, lady, why didn’t you read them before you came?”
41. Customer: “Why are the signs in your window so full of spelling and
grammatical mistakes?”
Storekeeper: “So that people will think I’m a fool and come in expecting to
get the best of me. Since I put up those signs, business has boomed.”
grammatical mistakes?”
Storekeeper: “So that people will think I’m a fool and come in expecting to
get the best of me. Since I put up those signs, business has boomed.”
42. Doctor: Shall I gave your wife a local anaesthetic?”
Businessman: “Certainly not. I can afford something imported..”.
Businessman: “Certainly not. I can afford something imported..”.
43. A doctor was called in to see a rather testy aristocrat.
“Well, sir, what’s the matter?” he asked cheerily.
“That, sir,” growled the patient, “is for you to find out.”
“I see,“ said the doctor thought-fully. “Well, if you’ll excuse me for an hour or
so I’ll go along and fetch a friend of mine - a veterinarian. He is the only chap
I know who can make a diagnosis without asking questions.”
“Well, sir, what’s the matter?” he asked cheerily.
“That, sir,” growled the patient, “is for you to find out.”
“I see,“ said the doctor thought-fully. “Well, if you’ll excuse me for an hour or
so I’ll go along and fetch a friend of mine - a veterinarian. He is the only chap
I know who can make a diagnosis without asking questions.”
44. What made you marry Daddy, Mummy?”
“So you’re beginning to wonder, too!”
“So you’re beginning to wonder, too!”
45. “My father wants me to have everything he did not have when he was a
boy”.
“What didn’t he have?”
“All ‘A’s on his report card”.
boy”.
“What didn’t he have?”
“All ‘A’s on his report card”.
46. Mother: “I sent my little boy for one kilo of plums and you only sent 800
grams.
Grocer: “My scales are all right, madam. Have you weighed your little boy?”
grams.
Grocer: “My scales are all right, madam. Have you weighed your little boy?”
47. “Why do they call the language we speak our mother-tongue?” asked the
son.
“Because fathers so seldom gets a chance to use it,” replied his dad.
son.
“Because fathers so seldom gets a chance to use it,” replied his dad.
48. The mother of many children lined up her family.
“The one who obeys me immediately and does exactly as he’s told without
arguing will get a rupee at the end of the week.”
“It’s not fair,” said the youngest kid, bursting into tears. “Daddy’ll win easily.”
“The one who obeys me immediately and does exactly as he’s told without
arguing will get a rupee at the end of the week.”
“It’s not fair,” said the youngest kid, bursting into tears. “Daddy’ll win easily.”
49. How’s your husband,?” Mrs. Mathur asked her friend.
“Pretty well, I think - he works so hard I see him for only about an hour each
day,”
“You poor thing,” said Mrs. Mathur.
“Oh, It’s all right, the hour soon passes.”
“Pretty well, I think - he works so hard I see him for only about an hour each
day,”
“You poor thing,” said Mrs. Mathur.
“Oh, It’s all right, the hour soon passes.”
50. Manager - “From your references I see you’ve had four jobs in the last
month.”
Applicant - “Yes, sir, but doesn’t that shows how much in demand I am?”
month.”
Applicant - “Yes, sir, but doesn’t that shows how much in demand I am?”
